Ten Reasons I'm Not Reading Your Blog

I hit hundreds of writers’ blogs every week (except this week, when my Internet connection has been squirrelly. Arrgghh.)  But I do like to keep up with followers and people who comment here.

Thing is—with all those blogs to check—I only have a moment for each one, so some of you are losing me. If I can’t grasp in a moment what your blog is about, who you are, what you write—and comment or follow if I choose, I’m out of there.

I’m not saying this is true of every blog reader. There may be lots of blocked writers leisurely surfers who have time to waste linger in the blogosphere. But most of us have other priorities. Like our own blogs.

In an interesting post last Thursday, social media guru Robert M. Caruso of Bundlepost likened social media to a freeway, where thousands of cars pass by every minute. He says you need to have a fleet of cars of your brand on that freeway, so you can catch the attention of your audience, who are standing by the side of the road for only few short minutes each day.

Excellent advice as far as it goes: Tweet often.

But the truth is, more and more people are like you: driving on the freeway. Fewer and fewer are on the side of the road waiting for great content to come by. So your audience is no longer standing still—even for a few minutes. They’re sailing along on the freeway with you.

So you’d better be able to get your message across in an instant.

Here are some things that aren’t grabbing me during my drive-by visits.

1)     Your site takes too long to load. If you have animation on your site, or lots of graphics, you’re stealing reading time from yourself. If I’ve got a minute, and you take 30 seconds for loading—your content loses out. If you’re an illustrator or write for small children, yes, your blog needs graphics. But if you’re a writer, don’t snail down your loading time with a lot of visuals. And keep in mind that lots of people are reading you in RSS feeds or on other devices, so they don't see the graphics at all. 

2)     No focus. If your name is buried somewhere at the bottom of the page, I can’t see what kind of stuff you write, and you call your blog “meanderings in the mush of my mind,” I’m gone. Your blog is like your book’s first page or your story’s lead—you gotta have a hook.

3)     Music. I’ve yammered about this before. Unless you’re a musician hawking your wares, skip the sound track. If I want to listen to music, I’ll choose my own, thanks—and chances are yours isn’t in the same key.

4)     Your posts are simply snippets of your WIP. This tells me:

a.      You’re a newbie: professionals don’t do this. You’re throwing away your first rights and embarrassing your future, better-writer self.

b.     You’re needy and trolling for praise. (If you want critique, go to forums like Absolute Write or AgentQuery Connect )  

c.      You’re not thinking about your audience. I have no idea what your book is about or who these characters are, and I don’t have time to find out.

The exception to this is blogfests. When everybody’s publishing a “first kiss” scene or whatever, all those entering are reading each other’s posts. That's an excellent way to make friends and find writers whose work you like.

I also enjoy reading the occasional bit of microfiction or a short poem—but remember that’s “publishing” so the piece can’t be submitted to most contests or journals after you’ve posted it.

5)     You thwart comments, with--

a.      No comment button, Apparently there is a new program some bloggers are using that requires a secret handshake to be allowed to read the comment thread or make a comment of your own. If I can see there are “10 comments,” but can’t read them until I search the site for instructions, I probably won’t.

b.     Making us jump through hoops. I’ve said before that word verification is annoying. I’ve never run into any spambots in over a year without it. Some bloggers have told me they do have trouble with bots, so I understand—but realize you’re less likely to get comments when you put up obstacles. And making people “await moderation” eliminates the possibility of interaction with other commenters. So unless your blog is routinely visited by trolls, keep comments open on a new post or “moderate” at least once an hour. Old posts do collect spam, so screen comments on posts more than a week old, but if you’re holding comments in limbo for days, you’re sabotaging yourself. Courtnee Howard has some great tips on blog moderation at the Best Damn Creative Writing Blog 

6)     No follower button. You make people subscribe to your blog by email in order to find you again. My inbox fills with 100s of emails daily, so I’m not going to sign up for one more thing to clog it up unless your content is spectacular—or you’re an industry professional I need to follow. Even then, I’ll read you a whole lot less than if you were a networked blog that appears on my Dashboard. (Interesting that Blogger named it a “dashboard”—in keeping with our freeway theme.) One agency blog switched from WordPress to something that’s not networked a while ago, and I’ve gone from reading it daily to maybe once a month. If I can find where I’ve got it bookmarked.

7)     Your posts are too long, dense, and/or you’ve posted about more than one subject. Even if you have fascinating things to say about your new iphone app, the use of animal imagery in Faulkner, and Kate Middleton’s taste in underwear, if you can’t link them in one spectacular flash of brilliance, discuss them in separate posts. It all coagulates into an unreadable mass when we’re speed reading.

8)     You come across as condescending or narcissistic. Don’t assume all your readers are newbies who don’t know the basics. Or they are fans come to worship at the feet of your greatness. If somebody disagrees with you in a comment, argue respectfully, or delete if it’s offensive, but don’t say— “When you’ve written a whole novel like I have, you ignorant pipsqueak, you’ll know I’m right.” You may be talking to a bestselling author—or an agent’s assistant who’s about to read your query.

      And please NO STATS! Yes. Bloggers love us some stats. We check daily to see how many devoted fans are reading our bon mots. But this is something to do in the privacy of your own dashboard. If you have fewer hits than average, you look like a loser. With more, you look like a narcissist. If anybody gives a rodent’s derriere about your stats, they’ll check with Alexa, blogbiz or another blog rating site.

9)     Your blog is too busy or hard to read. Keep in mind that dark text on a light, solid background is the most reader-friendly. White or pale space is soothing. Don’t make your content a needle in a gadget-stack. Too much going on and a reader doesn’t see any of it. Forest/trees and all that. And I’m not a big fan of the new format some bloggers are using that looks like a newspaper, with a bunch of blogpost headlines you have to click through to get the content. You’re making me load one more page and taking time I haven’t got. It does have a cool look, but it's a barrier to readers. 

10)  Advertising. Ads are distracting, undermine your credibility, and usually pay very little. If you’re a writer and “monetize” with Google, they’re going to post ads for rip-off vanity presses, fake contests, and bogus agencies. Yes, I know some higher-end advertisers do pay pretty well. I’ve reached a high enough Alexa rank that I’m getting offers, but I’m still not going there unless it’s a product I already love. Your blog is like the cover of your book—the hub of your “brand” as a writer. Would you sell advertising space on your book jacket?  

But note: it’s fine to have click-through thumbnails of your own titles or favorite books by other authors. In fact it’s smart. If I like a blog, I’ll take a look at your books, and sometimes I even buy them.

BTW, if I haven’t commented on your blog, it doesn’t mean I think you’re doing anything wrong—or even that I’m not reading you. I haven’t got time for many comments. Also, I tend to hit blogs randomly and I may have not made it to yours yet.  

What about you? What attracts/repels you when blog surfing?

Do You Know How to Spot a Bogus Literary Agency? 8 Red Flags to Watch For

I’m working on a couple of new projects—watch this space for exciting developments—so I’m running a New! Improved! version of an oldie-but-goodie. The original post garnered a visit and an approving nod from agent Janet Reid—the Query Shark herownself.

******

I belong to the generation of women who were told we were more likely be shot by terrorists than find husbands. Several decades later, we’re all writing books about our fabulous single lives—as desperate now for literary representation as we once were for the white dress/gold ring thing.

I haven’t seen statistics about the comparative likelihood of being shot by a terrorist vs. finding a literary agent, but given the global political climate, I’d say odds heavily favor the terrorists.

Maybe we can fantasize that someday we’ll be shot by a terrorist who works for Curtis Brown.

We can’t blame agents. We’re in this situation because there are less than 450 members of the Association of Author’s Representatives while most of the 230 million of us who own computers have at least one novel in progress in the files.

If as many Americans bought books as wrote them, our situation wouldn’t be so dire—so if you really want to increase your chances of publication, buy more books.

With such vast herds of us overpopulating the planet, it’s inevitable that we’ve attracted our share of predators.  

In order hang onto your dwindling cash reserves during this soul-crushing process, keep an eye out for these red flags:

1) The agency advertises aggressively. Be wary of agents who advertise. When I finished my first novel, a librarian friend forwarded me an intriguing ad from an agency soliciting submissions. He’d found it in a highly regarded literary magazine. I visited the agency’s charming, positive website and almost fell into the trap until I Googled them. They appeared on the “THUMBS DOWN AGENCY LIST” at Writer Beware. This agency refers unsuspecting writers to their own pricey editing service and sells books only to their own vanity publishing company. They’ve changed their name, but they’re still in business.

Do the math: agents don’t have to advertise. We’ll find them no matter where they hide.

2) They badmouth the publishing industry or other agencies, and claim to be “different.” Publishing is a business that relies on networking. Anybody can call herself a “literary agent,” but the successful ones generally learn their trade by interning for more established agents or working at a publishing company. Putting down their mentors would be just plain dumb. And if they haven’t worked with/for other agents—beware. They may mean well, but they probably won’t have the contacts needed to make sales.

3) They charge “mailing fees" up front. This has been a popular scam for decades. Bogus agencies sign thousands of clients and charge them each $250 or more per quarter for “copying and mailing.” But they never make a sale. I’ve seen heartbreaking letters from writers who’ve lost as much as $3,000 before they caught on.

Small agencies may legitimately ask for copying and mailing fees AFTER they’ve sent out your manuscript—usually every quarter—but in the 21st century almost all submissions are done electronically, so I’d worry about any agency that’s still partying like it’s 1999.

4) They refuse to forward rejection letters. Most agents send on your rejections every quarter or so. Some scammers “submit” manuscripts to a publishing house in a mass mailing addressed to no particular editor. Those are not real submissions. They go into recycling without a response. You are not actually being represented. Move on.

5) No client list on the website.  If there’s no client page on their website, give them a pass. Agents don’t keep client lists “confidential.” If they represent a literary star, they’ll pound their chests and bellow about it.

6) You can find no record of recent sales. Even if somebody in the agency can claim to have represented Steven King, if it happened in King’s pre-Carrie days and she hasn’t sold anything since, don’t go there.

7) You can’t find them listed at any of the commonly used databases for writers. If the agency isn’t listed with AgentQuery or QueryTracker, go check the forums at Absolute Write, the lists at Preditors and Editors, and the tireless watchdogs at Writer Beware for any reports of scamming or bad faith. All of these organizations volunteer their time to weed out the bad guys who are preying on fledgling writers.  Membership is free for all these sites.

You can also check the Association of Authors Representatives, but as Janet Reid pointed out—an agent does NOT have to be a member of AAR to be legitimate and even top-notch. New agents have to work for a certain number of years before they’re allowed to join—and it is the newer and hungrier agents who are reading queries from new writers and actively building their lists.

8) They charge a “reading fee.” You know this, right? It’s not just about the money. Unscrupulous agents can actually hurt your career, since publishers consider these tactics unethical and won’t do business with them. At best, they’ll sell you worthless editing advice. If you have to pay somebody to read your book, it’s not ready for publication.

If you’re a newbie, DO pay a qualified freelance editor or book doctor, but never with a promise of publication attached.

Victoria Strauss at Writer Beware had a great guest post on February 11 about all things scammy in the literary world. from Marian Perera, in her review of Jenna Glatzer's new book, The Street-Smart Writer. 

Don’t forget: Google is your friend. Check ’em out.

How about you, fellow scriveners—anybody have a tale of agent scams to share?  

How to Blog, Part Duh: 13 Steps for Establishing a Popular Writing Blog

Last week I wrote about how to set up a blog and got some great responses—like from this guy. So here’s some more of the stuff I wish I’d known before I started blogging:

1. If somebody comments, respond in the thread. I did not know this for, like, months when I started out. If any of you who commented early are still reading in spite of my cluelessness—I apologize. Some bloggers respond via email, which is kind, but responses in the thread stimulate discussion and generate further comments.

2. Don’t be a voice crying in the wilderness. To have a friend, you gotta be one. Follow and comment on other blogs. It’s called social networking. Go out and be sociable! Looking for stuff to post about? Respond to other people’s blogs on your own. Instead of leaving a long comment in that anti-prologue thread, write your own post on the pros of prologues and leave a link

3. Blog on the same day(s) each week, so people will know when to visit. FYI, I recently read Wednesday and Thursday are the biggest blog traffic days. (Worst days: Saturday and Sunday. So I have a Sunday blog. I might change that.)

4. Stay on message. It’s OK to post the occasional personal stuff if it’s interesting—like your cat winning the “ugliest pet” award, or the fact you have the world’s most evil, draconian health insurance policy, but keep the majority of your posts focused on your niche topic(s).

5. Use headers that describe your content. Titles like “It’s Wednesday” and “So Sorry I Haven’t Been Blogging” won’t snag a lot of readers. 

6. Be sparing with posts of your creative work. If you want critique, you’ll do better visiting writers’ forums like Absolute Write or AgentQueryConnect. People don’t tend to read fiction posted on blogs (even by famous published authors.) Save the fiction for the occasional blogfest or contest, but otherwise, keep your WIP to yourself, especially if you’re a newbie. You don’t want that sucky first draft hanging out there in cyberspace. Trust me on this.

7. Join in blogfests and contests or conduct your own. A blogfest is a non-competitive mass sharing of work. One blogger will announce a topic, say “first kiss scenes,” and anybody who wants to join in signs up. On the given day, everybody reads each other’s posts and makes comments. It’s a fun way to meet new writers and get acquainted with their work. A blog contest can be anything from a random name draw from a list of commenters to a competition for the best steampunk haiku. Prizes are usually a book or maybe a critique from the blogger. Rewards for the host blogger are an increase in traffic and more followers.

8. Make sure your “tags” are search-engine friendly. List as many topics as possible, including names of people you’ve mentioned. Those tags are what attract Google’s attention. (This is what geeks mean when they talk about SEO.)

9. Link to other blogs. This is friendly and it also gets the attention of search engines. In fact, a weekly round-up with links to some of your favorite blogposts of the week is a great way to get readers and notice from the Google spiders.

10. Post an announcement when you go on hiatus. If you have to skip a few posts, leave a message letting readers know when you’ll be back. A blog that hasn’t been updated since your rant about the totally lame conclusion of Lost is worse than no blog at all. You’re trying to impress people with your professionalism, remember? NB—if you do lapse for a while, don’t post a long list of excuses when you get back. Bo-ring.

11. Don’t let your best posts fade into cyberspace. Link to them in a sidebar. Blogger has a gadget that makes a list of your most popular posts. If you want to know which ones those are, Blogger also has a “stats” feature, or you can download Google Analytics.

12. Ignore the rule-makers who tell you to “monetize.” If you’re a creative writer, you’re in this for platform-building and networking, not the ten bucks or so a week you could get for letting Google post annoying stuff in the margins. Many of the ads in Google’s writing category are for predatory self-publishing outfits and bogus literary agencies. You do NOT want your name associated with those people.

13. Remember the #1 rule of blogging is the Golden one. Offer the kind of post you like to read. Not too much about you. No huge, indigestible hunks of text. Save the negativity for your private journal. Keep it short, sweet, informative and reader-friendly, and pretty soon you’ll have a bunch of friendly readers.

How about you, fellow bloggers out there? Any tips to add?